OK, I’ve reached it. I get it now. Mom burnout. Mine is the normal case, where the thought of being somewhere without your baby induces the guilt of a thousand criminals. How could I NOT want to hold this beautiful, beautiful child? Yes, other moms get burnt out. Other moms talk about how it’s their hobbies and jobs that make them better for their children. But when Stan and I decided that I would work very part-time and rock being a stay-at-home-mom, I was 100% in. It’s the whole, “you had one job” thing. So why am I already burnt out of my ONE job?
Because, thanks to my own pride, I’m afraid to ask for help. What if people realize that I not only want help, but I need it (oh, the humanity!). But yesterday, our sweet Lord was so good, and allowed me to feel tired enough to give in to help. And it wasn’t like I was trying to run off to Red Door Spa. All I needed was a few hours to pay bills, switch the loads of laundry, call our health insurance about lost claims… you know, that kind of fun stuff.
I won’t bore you with all the deets about how it happened, but Stan and sisters and friends (and only one stranger, I promise — she was a super sweet old lady who used to run a daycare and asked if she could hold Florence for a min) swooped in. The best part is – nobody made me feel like they were doing me a favor. They just wanted to hold Florence, because she’s cute and she made them happy. Isn’t that so much better as a mom? You’re always so worried that your kid’s sounds, smells, and/or existence is bothering someone, that you forget your kid actually just makes people happy.
Now, that I’ve admitted I’m human and get burnt out, the next step is to figure out how to get and afford a babysitter’s help (now hiring if you know any Mary Poppins on the cheap). It turns out, all those other moms were right. The best way to love my baby is to leave her sometimes. Not a lot, just enough that when I am with her, I’m excited, present, and not stressed. She is such an incredible tiny human, and more than anything, I want her to know what a strong and healthy woman looks like. Obvi, that starts with own my pursuit of being just that.