They say the first year of marriage is all about adjustment, and, if that’s true, I’m getting exactly what I signed up for. And it’s not even that bad. OK, yeah, somedays our one-bedroom apartment can feel like a shoebox, and pretty much every morning Stan is happy-go-lucky (why did God make people like that?!). The bottom line is – adjustment is real.
My life revolves around this person, and I want him to know that, but he’s Mr. Planny McStan with the master plan, and I like to go with the flow. When he wants to be on time, I decide that I’m going to try out fake eyelashes for the first time. If I walk out of the closet wearing a dress, he’s probably in those horrible ripped-at-the-knees-jeans and chucks. Exercising is a way of life for him. It’s purgatorial for me. Also, I like to work at coffee shops. They distract him.
I Love You. Let Me Show You.
Ok, now that you know like every single one of my marital grievances, you’re probably like, “Give. Me. A. Break!” But I’m not necessarily complaining. Ok, I’m complaining a little. The point is, I’ve come to see that there is an incredible amount of frustration and beauty in these differences. Frustration, because it’s like “Why can’t you see what I see in this given situation?” And beauty, because every new adjustment we make for each other gives each “I love you” a little more umph. It puts something material behind our wedding vows, and it truly turns two people into one.
These tiny professions of love often go completely unnoticed by him, and I have no idea how many times a day he puts his preferences aside for me. Fireworks don’t go off and a theme song doesn’t begin to play when I say, “Ok, let’s not go to my favorite coffee shop this afternoon.” However, I do become more myself by accepting his preference, which, by the way, I realize is a ridiculous thing to argue about. However, when you live and work in the same place like I do, coffee shop afternoons are about as exotic as a safari. But I’ll get over staying in for a few more hours, for the glorious and magical joy of us being in sync, of having a groove, of knowing I can give 100 percent to someone, because he does that for me all the time. And let’s be real, I’ll get my coffee shop afternoon (maybe 2-3 of them) later in the week.
“To be a person is to be a lover.” -W. Norris Clark
If, as philosopher W. Norris Clark says, “To be a person is to be a lover,” then I’m on the right track to becoming more human by loving this man I have the immense joy of living life with. And when I stop to think about that, my only response is, what a gift, what a gift. What a gift.
Stan read this article and insists that God made people happy in the morning so that there would be something sweet to go with the sour. Mmm-hmm.